Don't be Pressured by a Date Change

Watching the 2015 retrospection of blog posts, picture collages and status updates made me question:

 What do I have to say that isn't just noise?

This is what I came up with...

The calendar will change to a new day, month and year or maybe already has as you read this. Traditionally this is a time of reflection and resolution. It's the end of one year and the beginning of another. Naturally people feel hopeful about what lies ahead and may even resolve to be different, to do differently. The world celebrates a new calendar year with parties, tributes and fireworks. It's a big deal.

The noise I am adding to the atmosphere goes against the grain because it's where I am at. I post when I have something to say, so today, this is what I have to say even though it will be wildly unpopular.

Fighting to Stay at ' 5 '

This time of year sees many of us looking back over the last 12 months and celebrating and/or lamenting our gains and losses. Most of my year was a struggle physically and emotionally. I have been low and I have been high. There have been many things that I am grateful for but somehow these things managed to be book-ended by injury and depression. Most of this year has felt like a balancing act. Slowly I have made my way, one foot in front of the other with arms lifted straight out at my sides to keep from falling over the edge. The motto this year has been 'no sudden movements'. I knew if I didn't make any abrupt or spontaneous decisions that I could avoid causing too much damage.

At STWM 2015 photo Edison Yao

If I seemed different or unlike myself this year, I was...I am. I have felt like a shadow of myself, dark and hollow. I tried to go through the motions, to 'act' like myself and some days it worked and others it didn't. I am inside myself and I find it hard to get out of me. It takes a lot of effort to stay right where I am and not get any lower. If the best version of me is a '10' then most of this year I have been a '5' at best and a '3' at worst. I am fighting to be a '5'.

I Shouldn't Even...But I Will

Well here it is, marathon weekend in Toronto.

Most of this year has been a running struggle. My body has felt tired and weak. I haven't been able to stay clear of aches, pains and strains. It felt like each time I began to feel strong again, something would resurface or something new would present.
The acute Achilles tendon injury I experienced in the Spring has gotten better but left over is bilateral Achilles tendinitis that bothers me all of the time and I just live with it and run with it as I haven't taken the down time to let it heal.
My hips, the right side especially, are achy and sore and stiff much of the time. The odd day, after physio they feel better but after a day or two the pain creeps back.
My left calf bugs me off and on. There's a strain in there but it, like my other complaints, irritates me enough to be uncomfortable but doesn't worsen with running, so I have carried on.

Magic Mike

This post was originally published on the iRun website November 2012.

I thought it deserved another look today, as Mike and I celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary.

Because I am a strong, empowered woman, I could live without him, but I wouldn't want to have to.

Love is not measured in affirmations of not being able to live without someone, it's about who you are with someone. I might be fine in the world without Mike but I wouldn't be the same person I am now. I like who I am with Mike by my side.

My husband, Mike has tolerated my shenanigans for 18 years. Someone, somewhere should give him an award because even sober, I am a handful. He has endured much over the years, and in the moment, it would seem as though he is irritated, annoyed or unimpressed with my latest scheme, but I think in general, he likes my creative approach to life.

Mike met me drunk, in a bar... <shrugs shoulders> what can I say; it was the beginning of a theme.